LEENIEZ

just saying;

2012-01-27T22:59:00.002+08:00

I think i'm quite a horrible friend.... :/

season of love;

2012-01-24T22:54:00.002+08:00

like a happy dose, kind of wish forever really exist...

never constant;

2012-01-21T01:09:00.002+08:00

Useless & disappointing....

stop standing there;

2012-01-19T00:03:00.000+08:00

Happy cause i know you're here.

profound;

2012-01-17T00:42:00.003+08:00

i just need to shut my mind up & follow my heart...

rebound;

2012-01-16T01:43:00.003+08:00

Not going through another round of emotional ride because of you again.
I care, but not enough.. Not enough for me to show it.

Rehearse;

2012-01-10T00:44:00.002+08:00

Prepared this day for almost two years....
Calmer than how i thought i would be, so that's a pretty good thing i guess?

It didn't hit me much as well, in fact i'm quite happy about it..
not disclosing my result here as it's not honorable at all.
But if you want to know, i'll tell you personally if you ask me.

What makes me upset is the scenario didn't turn out to be what i expected..
Not for myself, but those who definitely worked hard but effort didn't pay off.
Somehow i felt bad, like why do people worked so much harder than me ended up having almost the same score as me...
Like i do deserve it, but they don't. #sigh

Well, but those who looked down on others, this is... KARMA.
For once, i think not being positive is a good thing.
Don't put your hopes up high, it might crash you down one day.

So i guess all i need to do now is to choose the right courses...
& happy handling all the disappointments people throw at me.

But for whoever that may be concern about me, i'm doing fine..
NOT putting up a strong front either because i'm really okay.

:)

Base;

2012-01-07T01:05:00.002+08:00

things always turn out so much better than what i thought of,
can't tell if it's a good thing or a bad thing..

:x

Await;

2012-01-06T00:21:00.003+08:00

Almost there....

Reality;

2012-01-05T00:24:00.005+08:00

When my life is so-called screwed up, i'll sleep in & wake up after 1pm..
& recently i've been waking up really early like 8 to 10am...
That's a good sign right? :)

Brave;

2012-01-04T00:12:00.002+08:00

Because not everyone is gonna stay, especially right after you believed they would...

Bittersweet;

2012-01-03T00:40:00.005+08:00

Sometimes... it's so hard looking at people's relationship.

Like why some relationship turn out to be so good yet some turn out to be otherwise?
It's like envious (of the good ones) yet glad that im not into it (cuz of the bad ones)...

It's a whole lot different when you're the one going through it..

Resolution;

2012-01-02T00:28:00.003+08:00

1. Be closer to my Family.
2. Start making decision...
3. BE A RISK-TAKER.

take it over;

2011-12-31T14:14:00.002+08:00

Last day of 2011....

other than first three month of the year & Olevels' period,
2o11 is....... pretty good! :)

I'm so excited for tonight because........
I'm finally counting down to the next year in SINGAPORE~~~
Always happen to be @ other countries on the 31st Dec to 1st Jan.. #foreveralone

To be honest.... i always don't start the NEW year right... :/
so i'm just hoping tonight/the next year will be a good one! :)

For some reason, 2012 seems promising.
(other than the release of O's result luh)

well, we shall see! :)

Get Up;

2011-12-30T00:07:00.004+08:00

Time flies... way too fast.

explosion;

2011-12-29T16:37:00.005+08:00

KINDA EXCITED FOR 2012!! ;)

hideous;

2011-12-28T16:12:00.006+08:00

so glad that there's such thing as contact lens & foundation....

starry;

2011-12-27T22:47:00.002+08:00

Is it just me or everyone else enjoyed Christmas Eve more than Christmas day itself too?

You reap what you sow.
That's true because.... i received plenty of presents this Christmas! :)

Hand written cards is still the best!! #JUSTSAYING

Eve;

2011-12-24T00:54:00.002+08:00

"what are you waiting for?"
"CHRISTMAS"

everyone is either giving cards or giving gifts for people,
well......... although i prefer cards, but i'm doing something different this year.
it's somehow easier but $$ & i've got no skill in wrapping presents! T.T

YES TALK ABOUT WRAPPING PRESENTS.
honestly, i rather a present which is unwrap. #notahint
because............ in the end the wrapping paper is useless.
like really... how surprise can you get when you rip the wrapping paper apart?
(& no, i open it... GENTLY)

nobody will go... "omg this wrapping paper is so nice, i'm gonna keep it!"
okay actually i keep it, even if it's NOT nice.
& it just rot there, till somebody throw it away for me.

probably that's why i like cards more than presents...
hmmm actually i'm not making sense now because cards need envelopes too,
& in the end the envelopes kind of go to waste too right?

#SIGH

whatever it is,
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE~~~

:D

terrified;

2011-12-23T01:16:00.002+08:00

time is not on our side

read all about it;

2011-12-19T00:48:00.004+08:00

I wanna scream till the words dry out...

thanks;

2011-12-16T00:42:00.003+08:00

to only know that i worth just this little..

會呼吸的痛;

2011-12-14T02:39:00.005+08:00

i doesn't mind crying over a million times as long as i won't lose you

second guess;

2011-12-13T21:24:00.010+08:00

cause it feel like i doesn't even matter
& there's nothing i can do about it

Demand;

2011-12-10T02:03:00.002+08:00

why can't i be more understanding?
why am i so unreasonable?

why can't i just take the initiative?
why am i so ready to harden my heart?
why am i so afraid to even try?

why am i like this?
why can't i be a better me?

shallow-minded;

2011-12-07T00:16:00.003+08:00

do people only or try to present the best of themselves to others?
Because. I. Do.

& that's not a bad thing till....
i looked at myself in the mirror right now.

i don't want anybody to see me like THIS,
(the one whom dressed real sloppy & with glasses)
looks became so important.

"don't judge a book by it's cover"?
will you pick a book if the cover is not attractive enough? i won't.
sadly, if you're not "up to standard" then too bad..
it's totally not your fault but well, this is life.

yep, heart is more important than looks.. i can't deny that.
but if you don't have looks, who will ever approach you to know that you have a good heart?
or kind heart, or whichever heart that is.... you-name-it.
nobody will ever want to talk to you, even if you have a so damn awesome heart without.. looks.

okay i feel so depress typing that. :'(
(look at myself in the mirror again)

like okay, you saw a mega pretty beautiful cute girl & you started talking to her.
but her attitude sucks and everything is.. crap. but you like her....... LOOKS.
so, you ended up being with her but the story ended the way you think it is, failed.

then you saw this really ugly (wth did i just type ugly?!!!) girl...
& you ACCIDENTALLY or JUST HAVE TO talk to her.
while talking or however it is you found out that she have a heart like.... angel or goddess.
so you're somewhat attracted to her in some way which nobody understand why, neither yourself.
but you'll find all ways of excuses to think that you doesn't like her...
because your heart and mind clashed. & happily NEVER after.

you see my point here?
looks is just that important.
people with looks just have more chances than people without looks.

#SIGH
since when did i become so shallow? :'(

for once, just for once, like now... i think plastic surgery is not a bad thing.
(& don't get me wrong, i have no intention of doing it LOLOLOL)
but really, why can't people pay to make themselves feel better?
if that is fake, then..........
don't ever dye your hair, wear lens, put braces, apply makeup or even dress up.

because you know what? looks is nothing. YOU. ARE. SO. WRONG.
LOOKS. IS. EVERYTHING. (okay, 80 percent!)

it's such a sad thing that i think nobody can stand how i look now...

acceptance;

2011-12-06T00:14:00.004+08:00

whose fault exactly is it?
i wish i could blame somebody.
i wish i could take the blame.

& what's the point of somebody taking the blame?
i don't know either.

taking the blame is just way better than being the victim.
you just have to agree with that, no?

It's like, i rather feel the guilt...
than the abandonment, the rejection, the uncertainties, & the damn insecurities.

& now i'm starting to think that i have a problem within me,
probably that's the reason why letting go was so easy for you.

for a thousand years;

2011-12-05T00:20:00.033+08:00

craziest month ever, December is all packed up!!
:D

feeling really blessed, like... loved.
by the people whom i least expected..

well, if only... if only you'll be one of them.

on a flight;

2011-12-04T00:25:00.012+08:00

very overdue photos, but who cares! :)

no idea why i'm getting busier & cash getting lesser.
#SIGH

forever;

2011-12-02T00:03:00.001+08:00

i never liked this;

2011-11-30T00:13:00.002+08:00

I don't want to make any more effort.

To be honest, I doesn't want to be like you.
So stop asking me to do the things that you think is best for me,
BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT IS ACTUALLY BEST FOR ME.

I'm done crying.
I'm done with your wrong method of love.

I am really tired this time round.
I'm done trying.

HUXI;

2011-11-28T00:04:00.000+08:00

went out with twinniez after 8 long months of delay, we're legend!!
& SHE'S SO PRETTY OMGOSHZ *JEALOUS*

laughed the whole entire day & got REALLY crazy,
(though it's the first time going out tgt)
nobody should ever see me in that state...
-straightface-

OHHHHHHHH & I FINALLY WENT MARCHE!!!
always didn't have the chance to go there for some reason...

ANYWAY..
i can't wait to go ecp, sentosa & uss soon!!
just wanna play till i drop.........

:(

never gonna be;

2011-11-26T00:15:00.002+08:00

a part of me really hope that those pink extension is real... T.T

MY TO-DO LIST IS NEVER ENDING.
i need $$ but i'm just soooooooooooooooooooo lazy to work.
or rather, put it in a nicer tone.. i'm TOO BUSY to work.

maybe i should work alternate week #soundlikeaplan
actually it's not a good plan because i'll prolly get fired =.=

why am i not rich? Ahhhh..
but i'm definitely blessed!! :)

buzz;

2011-11-24T00:08:00.000+08:00

there's nothing to say when i look at you

catch your breath;

2011-11-23T00:21:00.005+08:00

don't wanna do anything but sleep or slack all day/night long!

SIGH.
haven't start writing cards yet..
stop watching drama for the time being..
laziness always kicks in when i wanna read those books!

you tell me how?
YOU. TELL. ME. HOW.

why i never crash prom? why?
why so many pretty girls & handsome guys?
OKAY LE EN IT'S OVER.

#feellikealunatictalkingtoherselfsobye

i actually think that this blog is like a waste of space,
or rather a place to "throw face" (vain pic HAHAHAHAHA)

it become so.... not personal.
but whatever la, i post you all read can alr! #SoSingaporean

who would have known;

2011-11-20T02:59:00.003+08:00

it's not anger.
it's not just upset.
it's more of like a huge disappointment.

& why am i disappointed? because i expected something more from you.
why did it happen more than once? because i always believe in you.

Guess what now? i figured it out, finally.

flashlight;

2011-11-19T02:23:00.006+08:00

i've been busy doing............................. things i like? i think.
i'm always busier during the holidays & i've got no idea why.
& i don't really enjoy the busyness, kind of miss staying @ home the whole day.

It's really not easy to place all commitment in for at least once per week..
But i'm quite certain that it'll be worth it! :)

"time flies", well said.

sound mind;

2011-11-17T00:07:00.000+08:00

so my hair didn't turn out to be how it really look like in this photo,
but you get my point... blonde & hot pink extension! :)

apart from...
- getting all the uncomfortable stares
- their (strangers) really loud mindset of me being rebellious/ahlian
- looking unfriendly
- longer time to shampoo & blow dry my hair
- tangled & dried & dead extension
- too many pink tops which i can't wear now
- wearing lens on a daily basis if not i'll look weird in spec due to my extension

yeah, apart from all those, i really love it.
it's like... literally added colour into my (life) hair HAHAHA.

i like attention, but definitely not this kind.
still, im doing it for my own pleasure.

as long as i'm happy, and i don't hurt you as well as myself, it's fine.
my look is not gonna change what's inside of me.

& some people just don't get that.
SUCK TO BE YOU! :)

still;

2011-11-16T02:30:00.002+08:00

i always do things that upset you, but i didn't change.
as much as you think that i did, i'll prove it to you otherwise.

i know what i am doing.
& i think that you need to know that.

who would have known the one that hurt me the most is you.
& i'm probably the one whom had hurt you the most, too.

you know what hurt the most?
it's looking at you knowing that you can't accept me for who i am.

you disrespected my only decision of which i'm sure that i'll never regret,
so tell me... what am i suppose to do now?

i really don't want to lose you.
& i'm believing in your unbelief to save us from this fall out.

light;

2011-11-15T01:29:00.002+08:00

i care enough to show it.

sextuple;

2011-11-12T01:21:00.002+08:00

this is for you, Danielle! :)

you;

2011-11-10T00:02:00.000+08:00

can we be like how we used to, please?

winter;

2011-11-07T01:15:00.002+08:00

i never wanted myself to be this vulnerable.

all these words is as though i ripped myself apart and let the wound be exposed
all these sobbing is like haunting stabs into my heart

you think i like all these sympathetic & judgmental attention?

truth to be told..
i'm sick and tired of myself being like this.

i probably turned into the person whom i hate the most.
this is indeed heart-wrenching...

take heart;

2011-11-06T01:19:00.002+08:00

i'm not sinking. i'm not spiraling down.
i'll get out of this soon. i'll be alright again. i'll be okay. i'll be fine.

i am not this weak. i will not cry every night anymore. & i will smile.

我很痛苦;

2011-11-05T01:38:00.003+08:00

what happens when your second priority doesn't support your first priority?
what if both is as important & you can't afford to lose either?

i'm sick of losing people.

my worst day in 2011 : river of tears

- - -

both of you truly love me? then work on it.
i probably cried more than both of you due to YOUR failed relationship.

yes, even after 5 damn years.

voices;

2011-10-31T00:22:00.001+08:00

one day, i'll be good enough for... myself.

lost sheep;

2011-10-30T00:29:00.003+08:00

in need of time management classes...

what if your best ain't enough?
i'm in this kind of situation right now.

on my own;

2011-10-29T17:48:00.004+08:00

it's tougher than it seems...

well, running away from people whom will make me feel demoralize helps. A LOT.
but they do chase after you & throw you with hurtful words/actions..
& the best thing you can do is ignore. yet again, that's the hardest thing to do.

just when i need support from certain people, they didn't pull me up.. they PUSH ME DOWN.
funny how this stressful moment of my life taught me to see who these people really are.

talk about disheartening...

- - -

have you ever wanted to do something that you think is right but you can't bring yourself to?
just waiting, waiting for the day that you'll break me apart & you're finally free from me.

steps;

2011-10-23T20:26:00.003+08:00

3 reason for this photo above.

1. no eyes cause i looked really bad in spec (webcam)
2. i know my hair is long but i want longer hair~ like just 15 cm more... (i want Rapunzel's hair!)
3. i've got no better photo to post

#girls

okayyyyyyy i just wasted prolly 10 seconds of your time reading that! :) #cheapthrills

2. more. weeks. and. i. will. be. free.
doesn't really feel like the real thing is happening but IT IS HAPPENING.

this is so torturing.
like physically, mentally & emotionally.

still hanging on. just two more weeks & i'll play till i drop. trust me.
(not really actually, as in the play till i drop part) #bubbleburst

can't believe i'm still blogging...
kaythanksbye

let's go;

2011-10-20T00:04:00.001+08:00

guess i've got how many birthday cards?!! TEN.
received 4 hairbands, two bracelets, a jacket, a top, a file, a book & few red packets!!
(that's not all cause the rest are... still on their hands)
oh & plenty of birthday treats too!
:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

THANK YOU(S) SO MUCH!! :D

replay;

2011-10-19T00:08:00.001+08:00

had an awesome time with Amelia.c @ ikea today!
ate. talked. studied.
walked around there after that & we were having so much fun.. :)

happy girl is pretty girl, that explains the last photo!! :D

forever and always;

2011-10-18T00:32:00.003+08:00

this is probably the first time you didn't lie to me.
i'm so glad & touched & i'm... happy.
though i don't really sound so or look like i do... but i really am.

- - -

i'm amused by how many people believed in me more than myself.
what i'm more amazed is that even though they know i can't make it, they still encourages me.

i've been crying so easily these days.
especially emotional when i know people really care about me... :'(

okay or maybe i'm too stress or worried. #ijustkilledtheatmosphere
please know that i'm trying my best though i know it's not enough.

- - -

i wish this season which is ending soon could last a little longer

dare you to move;

2011-10-16T01:21:00.004+08:00

this year didn't turn out to be exactly how it was planned out.
well, too early to conclude this year but all i'm left with is barely two months.

my new year resolutions didn't really happen & i'm kinda.... guilty about it.
filled with regrets too, could have done better if i didn't give up in the middle of the year..

"You can't give up. Because giving up isn't a choice!"
so happened that i wrote this sometimes ago on my wordpress to motivate myself before the fall.
"keep on keeping on" is what kept me going.

on a brighter side, i can't really wait for 2012. (the world is not going to end i guess)
there's just so many things that i wanna do & it excites me!!
(like making new friends & donating blood & dine @ timbre hahahahaa)
oh ohhh ohhhh and i'll be eighteen!! sound like a good age aye. :)

- - -

if forever actually exists, you'll be in mine.

blow the storms away;

2011-10-15T00:23:00.008+08:00

time passed really fast today, just like the 5 years i'm in this (that) secondary school.
this (that) 5 years has been... tough. but there's still good things to be kept as memories.

i thought i'll NEVER miss school, but i was wrong...
well, felt happier than sad that i'd graduated though.

am just really glad that i came to the right place at the right time.
not my first choice in mind, but definitely the best in circumstances.

especially my God-given friends from KCPSS, it's one of the best gift ever.

talk about faith;

2011-10-13T00:12:00.000+08:00

i'm ready for this... failure.
guess all i need now is the courage to go through it.
& worst of all, face it. i meant the results.

- - -

real steel is a nice & touching show, go watch it if you haven't!
my dad should watch it, seriously. #justsaying

i hope you'll hold on to your promises, i kinda believed you, yet again.
but it's okay if you didn't fulfill it, i'm kinda used to it, too.

wish you were the ideal dad i've always wanted.
but with the ideal you, i doesn't need Him anymore.
so i thank God for you, still.

:)

- - -

family should always come before friends right?
& then friends should always come before work eh?
so i guess that's what i'm gonna do during my holidays.

set my priorities right for once.
& take really good care of myself this time round.

till then;

2011-10-12T01:19:00.003+08:00

my earliest birthday cake this year from lixin! :)

just realized (almost) everything is so colourful~
like my cake, balloon, present wrapper & birthday card!!

(okay birthday saga is over) [not really, yet]

- - -

don't come any nearer because if you do so i wouldn't let you go

seventeen;

2011-10-11T00:55:00.009+08:00

don't really want to go into details but for memories' sake, i shall list it out...

sec 1/2 clique surprised me one day before my actual birthday!
appreciate it & thank you girls, am really really touched!! :D

E472 celebrated with me one day before my actual birthday too!
thanks for the "umbrella card" & cake & presents! :)

felt as though i had birthday for two days HAHAHAHAHA.

struggled through thanking everyone who wished me on fb, it's quite... troublesome.
but y'know, once you replied one person, you're ought to reply ALL so yeap!

so on my actual birthday...

ate lunch for almost 2 hrs @ sakae with K. :)
& had dinner with Ame.P, Caihui & Twinkle! :D

Carol & John delivered over the second balloon cause the first one exploded before i see it!
it was reaaaaaally surprising though, hehs.

-

it's true that birthday is special, because... you'll see who truly cares.
didn't expected much & i guess that's the way to be happier.
& i did, because unexpected happens. made me really go "awwwwwwwww"..

oh, i really love handwritten cards. #happiness

you're the reason why;

2011-10-08T02:02:00.007+08:00

"the end of a matter is better than its beginning"

it's a promise.
after all, this is just another chapter of my life.

i don't know what my future holds, but He does.

a-way;

2011-10-07T00:52:00.002+08:00

it'll be so much easier if im not gonna disappoint any of you

do you know how i feel everyday?
I'M FIGHTING A LOST BATTLE

i'm losing myself.

i'm trying my best, but it just doesn't seems to be enough.
i don't know how to handle this stress.

& i so wanna give up right now, but i refuse.
well, i wish i did...

come alive;

2011-10-05T01:59:00.003+08:00

life is so unpredictable.
where were i before this lifetime?
is death really not the final nail?

well, i should be glad that i'm not the only one that have to go through this, but everyone.
all i have to do now is to trust, & pray. there's a place for me, i'm not doubting that.

- - -
- - -

been watching really sad movies recently.
i know it'll get me sad in the end but i still choose to watch it..
not that i'm out of my mind, is that i need to feel something, or at the very least, feel upset.

indeed, i felt so. but it's not enough.
i need to feel sad enough to make me cry, uncontrollably.
i need to cry so bad so i can be alright again.

it's not even bottled up.
it's hardened.

i can hardly cry these days, i wish it's a good thing.
i need to know that i do have a heart.

who says crying is for the weak?

- - -
- - -

maybe i'm done with wasting your time
it's almost time to give it all up

through the fall;

2011-10-02T01:23:00.002+08:00

major turn off when it comes to studies..

1. they alr know the BASIC.
2. they're damn COMPETITIVE.
3. they do NOT want to help.
4. they make me feel like a LOSER knowingly/unknowingly.

it's not like after you teach me i can do better than you when i don't even know the basic.
it's good to be competitive, but you wanna compete with me when i doesn't even know a thing?!!
thanks for being so selfish.

some friends push you down by demoralizing you. (in the context of not even wanna help)
some friends pull you up when you're hopeless by encouraging/teaching you.

funny how both sides of friends are as important...

-
-

afterall, i'm quite a hard person to be loved & i know that.
but if you can't love me for being myself, then.. forget it.

-
-
-

don't ask me if i'm okay.
because eventually i will.
though i'm not.
& i'll still tell you that i am.

never too far;

2011-10-01T00:53:00.002+08:00

i remember telling myself to make a decision on THIS day 3 months ago...
but it seems like i'm still unsure & not gonna do anything about it i guess.

yes, i am very indecisive. #notagoodthing

- - -

my life is not really considered as awesome but it's... good.

well, i do not have a perfect family but i'm indeed blessed.
frankly speaking, i don't have a lot of friends....
but i do have friends that cares about me, great friends that accept me for who i am & close friends that really love me.

it's just a handful but you only have to care about those who bother to care about you, right?
it's not exactly a bad thing to be indifference, eventually the one who cares enough will break it.

- - -

time will always tell

not the same;

2011-09-27T00:03:00.000+08:00

when you love, you give.
"you can give without loving, but you can't love without giving."

so true.... well, it's... just. a. thought.

- - -
- - -

give me a sign of how you feel about me

far beyond;

2011-09-25T00:02:00.006+08:00

don't act like you really care, don't even try.

i lost my place;

2011-09-24T01:26:00.002+08:00

"everytime you say you don't know, you're hiding."

just what if you disappear for another 3 months?
i care, but not enough to let you hurt me, again.

remember how we first met?
remember how we communicated all day & night?
remember how frequently we went out?
remember all the things you said to me?
remember the promises you made?

I do, & i'll never forget.

we'll never be the same again, because i don't know when's the next time you'll leave, again.
i miss telling you that i miss you... so damn much.

so bestie, please don't ever leave me again...

- - -
- - -
- - -

sometimes I'm scared that things could be so much better than this
sometimes I wish that we could be so much closer than this

i'll still love you;

2011-09-21T00:12:00.003+08:00

i don't want to talk to you.
i don't even want to see you.

cause i'm done with feeling insignificant

can you remember those days we spent together, all the times we had? i don't want it to end..
everytime we met, all the things you said, i keep it close so i'll never forget.

but always know;

2011-09-20T00:03:00.002+08:00

Just for your information, BEWARE.
you'll probably get sick of looking at my face after this post..
So please leave this page if you doesn't like my face, THANKS! :(

i got surprised (for i don't know what reason) by JIAWEI today!!
she trickED me to Hard Rock cafe & we had our brunch there, her mum treated me!
feeeeeel shooooooooooo loveeeeeeeeed, thanks BIRDIE & your mummy~ ;)

went to......... shop after that.
yes, even when i am broke.
#girls

spammed a lot of pic, as you can see. HA HA HA.
so basically.. i just enjoyed my day.
yes, i need to tell the whole world about it...
AND YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT!

- - -
- - -

all this thinking of you..
is that what you're doing too?

close friends;

2011-09-19T00:33:00.001+08:00

i think the term "best friends" is really scary, so.. i "throw" that level of friendship away.
then... the term "close friends" & "good friends" replaced it.

i seldom classify my friends as "good friends" because i don't really know how to define it..
therefore my "close friends" is always filled but "good friends" is rather empty.

well, that's not the point of this post.

the point is...
"best friends" & "close friends" is as scary, both hurt as much. harsh truth which i totally detest.

the only difference is..
i believe that everyone can only have one bestfriend, or MAYBE, two.
then again, you can have plenty of close friends, and all can be equally close.

BUT that's the problem.
there's no such thing as equal, to every other close friends.

.

just like best friends, close friends drift apart too.
who says best friends doesn't drift apart? the most familiar stranger, other than your ex-boyf/girlf.

& who to blame?
you regard them as close friends.
but. they. dont.

probably because they didn't get the full attention which they yearned for,
and finally, just so finally, they found the one that could give them ALL their attention,
then you become NOTHING. because now, you're worthless. they doesn't need you anymore.

so now i understand..
you used to stick with NOTHING.
you used to find every chances to talk to NOTHING.

how can these friendship(s) be so vulnerable?
well, the truth is, they doesn't need you at all, they just need (your) attention.

& yes, i regard these friends as my... close friends.
just go ahead and laugh at me.

- - -
- - -
- - -

because i need to know that you won't be so ready to give up on me

thunder calls;

2011-09-17T00:22:00.003+08:00

have you felt this way before?

what you've been dreaming for is finally coming to pass, all it takes is you to grab hold of it,
but... you just let it pass you by instead.

- - -

i left with about 30 odd days to O's.
by right i should be mugging like as if i've got... no life.

but the motivation or rather the study mood just got here.
like. just. got. here.
this feel like i'm being ripped apart.

blame who? myself.

- - -

not quite reaching love

BLEE;

2011-09-12T00:07:00.001+08:00

watched GLEE 3D on NINE ONE ONE with NINETEEN cg members to celebrate Brian's birthday! :)
the whole theater was almost ours, with just two couples taking the last two row. ;)
time flies, another year passed...

captivated;

2011-09-11T00:04:00.009+08:00

went newyorknewyork on the 10th with secondary 1 & 2 clique to celebrate stella's birthday! ;)
then Pitstop cafe with few other church mates, oh & it's probably the most surprises in a day!!
hope you'd enjoyed your big day, birthday girl! ♥

from the start;

2011-09-10T01:48:00.015+08:00

went out with my royal family to celebrate Ziling's belated birthday! :)
think they're the happiest girls on earth~

- - -

so i guess all i need is assurance?
& if that's too much to be asked for, then just let me soak in insecurities that literally ruins me.

cause i'll never forget that she used to be your important someone, not me.

this is the night;

2011-09-08T00:28:00.000+08:00

went out with yaomin & preston on the 6th as HE is going army on fridaaaaaay!
got a little high that day by creating awkward moment for them, okay i hope they don't read this...
so now yaomin know my secret & it's like one of the biggest threat ever, i KID.

so i got really bored at 2AM (i think it's 2am) therefore i went youtube & searched for....

FISHTAIL BRAID!

it's really easier than expected & when i'm done with it, i camwhore. #girls

& then i continued youtubing about braids, by then it was about 3AM & this is what i did...

SIDE DUTCH BRAID!

zomggggg don't ever let the easy-look fool you, it takes quite a lot of effort kay. =.= #girlsagain

SO UHMZ... i'm done with my post &............ i'm not gonna youtube & braid my hair tonight!!

blue moon;

2011-09-06T17:57:00.002+08:00

"so i thought it'll be good if we stay this way forever."
"but i know when the time comes, we'll either make it or break it."

self-talk. well, this is bad. HAHAHA.

from my heart to the heaven;

2011-09-05T00:49:00.008+08:00

i hope you'll stay though we're so far away

so the people whom im not really close to, became really close..
yet i'm drifting from my closer friends... which i dread to.
well, what are the odds?

- - -

frankly speaking, i feel that this changes is good.
we've been stuck in our comfort zone for way too long.
it's time to move on, together yet individually.

just know that i'll never push you away if you ever need me

- - -

i can't deny
a love so true
breaks me down till i've got nothing to hide

barely surviving;

2011-09-03T00:57:00.002+08:00

what about me?

then;

2011-09-02T03:25:00.003+08:00

so today i went back to the places where i first explored with you... & i smiled.

i wish i could turn back time.

i miss you...
my very dear friend.

nothing in this world will do;

2011-08-29T00:21:00.003+08:00

changes is tough, but it's good.

i'm so touched by the little things y'all did.
though it seems so tiny but i really really appreciate it.

-

maybe i'm not good enough.
probably that's why i got replaced.
over again.

so when somebody comes along, people leaves.
i get it, totally.

-

just don't expect me to give my best anymore

let it be said of me;

2011-08-27T01:20:00.002+08:00

i wish time is on my side.

-

i can't differentiate the extremes.
i care too much, i feel too much, i think too much...
but why can't i express it out? why did i remain silent? why am i so afraid?

i'm fighting against myself everyday.
it's really exhausting.
because every single day i feel like giving up but i doesn't want to.

& i know i can be strong.

depths of your love;

2011-08-20T20:33:00.004+08:00

which one will you choose?
A. a girl/guy that always text you "good morning"
B. a girl/guy that text you all the time
C. a girl/guy that always text you "good night"

- - - - -

there's always a choice...
& i wouldn't stop you.

sincerely;

2011-08-15T00:05:00.000+08:00

i'm just so grateful,
to be in this cell group.
:)

though we are all not perfect,
& there may be unhappiness at times..
but at the end of the day, love covers all, still.

thank You.

all that is left;

2011-08-13T00:03:00.000+08:00

i'm not the type of girl whom will prove you wrong

speaking to this mountain;

2011-08-10T01:13:00.002+08:00

i'm strong enough for this.
my heart. my mind. my flesh.

raging sea;

2011-08-08T16:05:00.004+08:00

the hardest part is not meeting tough people.. because you doesn't always have to face them.
it's working with tough people that's hard, because you're in a team & you can't simply walk off.

but... irresponsible people does that. ironically.
the willingness to serve? i doubt so.

& systematic over relationship?
that's love? wow.
so much for "i choose love."

been so long since i'd ever felt this way.
time for a stretch in heart capacity.

Grace.

draw me near;

2011-08-06T22:47:00.002+08:00

Last year, i met Yaomin. @ North Balcony! :)
This year, i met Huiting & Sean!! :D

& the coolest thing is that all of us is from the same church.
like what are the odds... :x

-

though it's different from last year, but i felt the same.
it's the same encounter. You showed up.

this is the best decision i'd made in my life.

backfired;

2011-08-04T23:17:00.002+08:00

there's always a reason of why plan B & plan C existed.

be it i'm not hardworking enough as i'm so damn lazy,
or be it i'm not smart enough to absorb whatever that has been taught,
or be it i'm the sore loser whom gave up even before trying.

YOU NAME IT.

it's not like i freaking wanted it.
it's not like i'd assured you that i'm gonna do well.
it's not like i'm not worried for my future.

I JUST CAN'T DO IT.

then what? so how? just get out of my life if you can't take it.
just do whatever you want.

realistic;

2011-08-01T00:03:00.000+08:00

i guess it doesn't matter anymore.

because when i care, it hurts more.
so i decided not to care, anymore.

tragedy;

2011-07-30T21:03:00.008+08:00

you're right.
your mind is right.

just forget about the heart

fantasy;

2011-07-28T00:03:00.000+08:00

it's been exactly one year since i've known you! :)

thank you for spending so much time with me for the first few months,
all the movies, the jokes, the photo-spam, the long walk...
thank you for doing all sort of silly stuff just to make me smile.
thank you for always caring for me when you know i'm in "danger".
it's pretty short period of time spent together yet i'm really happy whenever i'm with you.

though things changed halfway through, still.. thank you for coming back into my life.
thank you for not forgetting about me.

just wanna wish you...
HAPPY BLESSED 21ST BIRTHDAY! ♥

hope that our friendship will grow stronger, bestie.
:D

never ever;

2011-07-24T01:05:00.002+08:00

i am weak.
You are strong.

therefore, i depend on You.
because i know You'll never abandon me.

pace;

2011-07-23T00:05:00.002+08:00

i'm still trying.

make it beautiful;

2011-07-18T00:03:00.000+08:00

"rest if you need, just do not stop."

heart and soul;

2011-07-17T00:04:00.002+08:00

it feels so good

not the circumstances
but from within

this is happiness

no turning back;

2011-07-16T00:03:00.002+08:00

this felt like 2 years ago.

it was the exact same thing;
the same word.
the same dream.
the same vision.
the same calling.

i thought it was over, i really thought so..
but God, i need yet another miracle.

& thank You... thank You for being so so so patience with me.

but right now I wish you were here;

2011-07-13T22:26:00.002+08:00

& I remember all those crazy things you said
You left them running through my head

I can be tough
I can be strong
But with you, It's not like that at all...

unconditional love;

2011-07-10T19:12:00.003+08:00

when somebody stays up all night just to ensure i am home safely
when somebody wakes up early in the morning just to wake me up because i had to
when somebody gives me extra allowance just because i spent it all
when somebody cook dinner for me although there's a high possibility i won't be there

so much time, so much effort had put into me..

when you're happy, i'm happy.
when you're upset, i'm upset.
when you cry, i cry.

it's like, i can feel you.

you're so important to me
i can't imagine how's life... without you.
:'(

one of my biggest fear is... your time's up.

anything but you;

2011-07-09T15:08:00.003+08:00

"don't stop trying" & "believe in yourself" doesn't seems applicable to me anymore..
some words are meant to be motivational but why do i find myself in despair instead?

what happened to my vision & dreams?
what happened to the promises?
what happened to me?

why is the future so blurry?
why can't i see hope?
why did i give up on myself?

but whatever it is, still, i thank You... for everything.

take it all back now;

2011-07-05T00:04:00.000+08:00

it's scary how you can affect my mood this easily

it also creeps me out at certain times when idk where'd you go,
because it seems like you'll be gone... forever.

although my mind is going haywired,
all i can do is just wait for you to be back again.

& i'm so glad that the waiting was not in vain
:)

closed doors;

2011-07-04T01:10:00.002+08:00

"if you're not afraid of something, the less it'll hurt."

even without you;

2011-07-03T02:25:00.002+08:00

i'll still be the same.